Questioning

Everything I thought I knew
I find to be an illusion
There is much I would like to know
much I don’t understand
and I cannot help but wonder
if it is all but a dream
an alternate reality
with no substance

I want to hear my mother’s voice again
I need to hear he call my name
to know she is there
to feel her touch
to have an open conversation with
the one person on this earth
who has ever really
known me

If god truly exist
how can he stand by and be so
Disconnected
to the pain
of his subjects?

I know this life is not perfect
it was never meant to be
and I understand that
people go through far worse
than what I have

Is it wrong to be so
selfish?
Mom could be in a far worse off state
but she is not.
She could be in pain
but she is not.
She simply isn’t there
except in body alone